Inspiration

Inspiration. One word that carries such meaning and such value.

To be inspired is a beautiful thing, and like a lot of beautiful things, sometimes it's hard to find.

I have struggled to blog consistently for a few different reasons. One being time, or lack thereof. Another being I hold myself back. But one of the biggest reasons has been a lack of valuable inspiration worth sharing.

But last night I was inspired to write and something just clicked that made me jump for my computer.

Having lived in LA for almost 5 months now, I have experienced endless moments of inspiration. I have had so many moments where I'm driving on the freeway with the windows down, my hair blowing in the wind, music blasting, and no words to explain how I feel. Moments like those don't happen often, but when they do they're cause for inspiration.

Last night I was inspired to let go of the norm and to just live freely. To be more adventurous. To push my way farther and farther from the status quo, if you will.

I'm turning 23 in less than 2 weeks, and for most of you that doesn't seem like a big deal. And it's not to say that it is, but as I catch up with friends who have long-term boyfriends and are already talking about engagements and weddings and getting houses and growing up, I can't help but feel a shred of panic as I set a 5th-wheel place setting at the family dinner table or when I roll over in the middle of the night only to find a four-legged animal as my big spoon instead of a person.

But then I think about a blog that I read last night, about being a 20-something, and how great it is, and I can't help but be happy with where I'm at. I can't help but feel inspired to enjoy every second of it, and to live for me and not for someone else while I can.

There is nothing more liberating than going out and meeting new people on a Friday night and not having to answer to anybody that you won't be home for awhile. There's nothing more fulfilling than waking up on a Saturday morning and realizing you have the entire day ahead of you that you can literally do whatever you want with. You can make plans for yourself, or you can just not. You can cook a huge awesome breakfast, or you can just go out. You can go blow money on massages and mani/pedis and over-priced salads like it's nobody's business, because it's not. It's yours.

Freedom is inspiring.

I can't help but be excited to see where 23 takes me. And I definitely can't help but accept that everything happens for a reason. Everything. I love that.

And I can't help but realize how beautiful it is to be inspired.

"Free as I'll Ever Be" 

Photo taken on the Mediterranean in Morocco 

$200 tab

Two Hundred Dollars.

No I didn't buy repeated rounds of Patrón shots, or order a football game's worth of beer towers. I didn't pick up the tab for my entire neighborhood or scream 'shots on me!' to the bar.

Truth is, it was me, my brother and his fiánce. That's it.

If you would've asked me 6 months ago if I would ever spend $200 on a bar tab, I would probably have laughed in your face and said 'yeah, maybe one day when I'm a CEO' secretly doubting that would ever happen.

But I can promise you I'm not a CEO, and yet I spent that much on my tab last night. Not including tip.

But it's not about the tab, and no I'm not an alcoholic (I still have a few years left of post-college drinking before it's considered alcoholism)

It's about finally being the one to take care of someone else, instead of someone always having to take care of me.

There's something very empowering about dropping that kind of cash on a mere night out. It's knowing that for the first time, you can take care of yourself, and others. For the first time, I'm not saying 'let's split this 3 ways' or 'I'll get the tip', or awkwardly staring at each other and fake motioning to your wallet until someone decides to step up.

It's nice being able to feel like an adult and not a broke college graduate with piles of loans creeping up on the bank statements (the latter is definitely still true)

I'm not here to brag about having a full-time job. I'm not here to say I'm filthy rich, and I'm well off forever just because I dropped $200 on a stupid bar tab. I'm here to say that hard work really is paying off, and I couldn't be happier and more thankful for the way life has been treating me.

I remember when I was a freshmen, and older girls in my sorority would always buy my friends and I a round of shots. I remember thinking that was so awesome, and I was so happy to get a free anything. Then senior year came, and I started to want to buy the younger girls drinks, but never really could. So I guess now, after all those free things were handed to me, I was finally able to pay back old debts.

But again, it's not about the liquor, or the nice gesture.

It's about feeling independent, and being able to take care of someone else for a change.

And for the record, it was a really good bartender.

So cheers to 'empowerment' and my newfound 'adulthood' feeling. Cheers to working hard, and hard work paying off. Cheers to good bartenders and above all, cheers to waking up tomorrow not feeling the effects (physically and mentally) of a $200 bar tab.

here's to the start of something great

"California Love" by 2pac is not only the name of my 3rd and newest blog, but it's the song that played when I knew my dreams of moving to LA felt like they were really going to happen (cliché I know).

I was sitting at Louise's, a weekday hot spot for a cold draft in Lawrence, Kansas where I just graduated college. I clanked my glass of bud light (top shelf for a college student) to my roommate and friend Christina, as she had just found out she landed her dream job in NYC. It had been a month since I heard from the agency I applied to in LA, and I started to think this might not work out.

Christina went to the restroom and I sat there contemplating what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go if this LA job didn't work out. I almost talked myself into the fact that I wasn't getting it, when 2pac came onto the radio.

It's as if someone was watching me through the finger-printed bay window that looks out on Mass St. and saw that I was starting to give up. It's as if someone told them to "que a California song".

As cheesy as it sounds, at that moment I knew it was going to work out. I knew that somehow, I was going to make it out to California and I was going to be happy.

And here I am in the city of angels.

The biggest thing I want people to take away from this is that you can do what you want. You don't have to live in your home state just because you're from there and all of your family is there. You don't have to settle into a comfortable "life after college" just because that's what everyone else does. You can do what you want. You just have to do it.

In the interest of not sounding preachy, I simply want to inspire people through this new blog. I want people to feel like they can do what they want and go where they want to go. I can only hope that I've inspired at least one person to do that.

So here's to hopefully being "inspirational." Here's to living in an awesome new city. And above all, here's to you 2pac.